Thursday, June 4, 2015

Meanwhile, back in the Garden

I've had a sneaking suspicion for some time now I may be a better editor than writer.  I see potential in almost everything I read, even if it's really rough.  I have clear ideas for how it can be made better.  why I can't do that for my own work is beyond me.  Probably the same reason I can't proofread my own stuff very well.  You see what you expect to see.  But I digress.  What I learned from editing my willing guinea pig's short story is I don't have the temperament for it.  Unbelievably tedious and time consuming, I had to parcel it out in tolerable chunks and couldn't stick with it for more than an hour or two at a time.  For all you editors out there, God bless you.  I am not worthy.

So, back to Xander's Garden.  I'm closing in on the final chapters of the first draft, but I can foresee an extensive rewrite.  I'm concerned it's very dialogue heavy, so more descriptive and action narrative needs to be added to flesh it out.  I love the story, love, love, LOVE Violet and Daisy.  Unless I get hit by a bus, Daisy will get her own story in the near future.

Setup for this excerpt - Xander's Garden takes place in the 24th century on an off-Earth colony.  Betta Pallin has been given sanctuary at the Terra VI brothel owned by her mother's childhood sweetheart.  The sex providers at Xander's have all been given botanical names and, although Betta is not yet one of them, she is now known as Violet.  In this scene, Daisy is restocking her "workroom" while Violet explores.  If you'd like to read more of the story, check out Xander's Garden on  Feedback welcomed, desired, longed for, craved, and greatly appreciated.

She led Violet to her assigned working room.  Stopping short at her door, she pointed to the one immediately to the left.  “See that?  Behind that door is a narrow room with a view of mine through the two-way mirror.  My last client tonight gets off on watching me have sex with another guy, so I snagged Chrys as my partner this time.”

“Do you like Chrys?”

“Sure, he’s a good guy. Ash has a bigger cock but he wasn’t available tonight.”  Daisy grinned at the expression on Violet’s face.  “We really need to loosen you up, sweetie.  I think I have a few ideas about how to, shall we say, expand your education.”  She hummed a little tune under her breath as she stocked her cabinet while Violet wandered over to the mirror and inspected it closely.  

“It really doesn’t bother you when someone watches you have sex?”

“You can say ‘fuck,’ Violet.  Go ahead, say it.”

“Alright.  It really doesn’t bother you when someone watches you fuck?” Violet turned toward Daisy to make sure she could see the exaggerated eye roll she was giving her.

“No, in fact I get off on it.  Picturing the client jacking off watching us makes the whole thing hotter for me.  You know what jacking off is, don’t you?”

“Yes, I’m a virgin, not an idiot.”  Honestly, if she’d known her virginity was going to be this much of a hassle, she would have lied about it.  “Change of subject.  How long has the merchandise shoppe been set up the way it is?”

“Forever.  Well, at least as long as I’ve been here and that’s four years.  Why?”

“Just wondering.”  She caught sight of something shiny on the floor under a padded bench.  Bending over, she picked it up.  It was a short length of metal chain with what looked like tweezers on either end. Turning it over in her hands and puzzled, she asked, “Hey, what’s this?”

“Oh, my God, I have been looking everywhere for those fucking things.  They’re my nipple clamps.” Daisy rushed over and took them from a speechless Violet.


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